Holding hands part 11

Derek’s life canged a short while ago. While attending a penticoastal church,a pastor announced that he was to mary a young lady named lexi. He tried to rebuff it but it did not work. 

Now she had given it time to think.  She gave him time to reflect. He felt like he was getting no where. He wanted to marry her. He knew that. He just could not get pass how they met. He could not ligitimize it in his mind.  He felt he had to pass on this relationship.  Could he realistically walk away? Could he forget about her? 

It was now wendsday. The day of his curch’s midweek service. He came into it emotionaly exhausted.  He had not spoken to her sence sunday night. 

She tried to keep in the word. She tried to stay in prayer. It was proving a dificult task. She considered not going to the midweek service. She wanted to be there. She knew she should. 

 She went into the sanctuary.  Several greated her. They were becoming used to her presence. She was becoming part of there church family. Everyone was happy to see her..usualy that would have made her happy. Not so much today.  She wanted to be a part of the church family.  She did not want to jump in now. Just in case it did not work out. 

He saw her. She came over to him. “Hi !”he said. “Hi ! How are you?”she asked. “Good. You?” he asked. “Doing good. School is keeping me buisy. “She said. “I gues it takes alot of practice to get slain in the sprit. “He said. “I knew you were going to make a penticoastal joke.” she said. “I could not help it. Well i could have but i did not want to. “He said. “Im sure. “She said. 

Neither one knew what to say.she wanted to ask if he was close to a decison. She promised him two weeks.she should give him that. Things seemed straned between them. They tried to make the best of it. 

During the prayer time the man and women split into groups.  She considered not joining anna’s group.  She decided that would be rude. She enjoyed spending time with the women who would one day be her mother in law or would she? She was not sure any more. She did not doubt the word but could someone who did not believe in it be bound by it. 

“Hi anna!”lexi said. “Hi sit down. It is good to see you. I have missed seing you.”Derrek’s mom said. ” i have missed seing you. “She said. 

After praying ,they talked for a bit. “You know about Derrek’s and i deciding to take a break so he can sort all of this out. “Lexi said.”yes he did. “She said.

Lexi did not want to say much. She had no idea how his perrents felt about all this. They had given there permisson for them to date. They seam to welcome into the family with open arms but what would happen if he wanted to perpose. She had no idea. 

After the prayer time everyone returned to thw sanctuary. The pastor dismissed everyone. He walked lexi to her car. Lexi really wanted to just go home. As they were walking, his dad went over to her. 

“I had really got to say hi. How are you soinf alexa!”bryan aske.”i am doing fine. I am glad i couls come tonight.  “She said.”i am glad you did too.”he said.

They said there goodbyes. They arived at her car. “Well have a good night.”he said. “You too derrek.”she said.  She got in her car. He watched her leave.

She started to feel like it might be all over between them. She really thought he would chose to be with her. It looked like he really might not. Should she perpare herself for the eventuality that there relationship might end. Was she unwise to jump right into his world. It made so much sense. It seemed perfectly plausible. .now she was not sure.

She still beleved he was perfect for him..she loved him far more now then before. She knew that as long as the prophetic word hung over his head he would have a hard time embracing it. Mayby he never could.

Derek went home after she left. “So are you close to a decison?”his mom asked. “No not yet”derrek said. “Do you think you might consider not being with her?”his farther asked. “I dont see how i can. I cant justify how i can realy on a prophethic word. If i cant justify that,i dont see how i can procede futher.”derrek admitted. 

“If the phrophetic word had not occured, would you be debating this?”his dad asked. He thought about it. “No i would not. If i just met you gradualy. I would not debate it. He fact our meeting was based on that word. “Derek said.

“Then have you made up your mind?” his mom asked. “That is not what i want to happen.  I dont see any other choice. I cant see any other answer. ” derek said. 

“Lets take the word out of the equation for a minute. Do you want to marry her?” his dad asked. “Yes i do” he answered without any hasitation. He had not fully realize that until that moment. 

“That was what i thought. I thought that you did. One belief that is held by some belevers that if you want to do something its out of bonds. Sometimes it is. God works sometimes within our desires. Sonetimes the lord will put in someheart heart to go to a misson field long before they are comisoned to go. It is assumed that if you hate hot climates that is where God will send you.  That is not nesierily true. Perhaps the lord is working in your heart . do you believe that she could be your future wife? Dont think about the word for a while. !” his dad said.

“Without considering the word yes. Absolutely.  I do think that she could be my wife. ” derrek said. “Dont be so quick to dismiss that. Your mom and i see things about her we like. So has the church. We really like her. We think that she could be your wife. She has those qualifications and qalities. That is important.  ” his dad told him.

“We dont want to presure you either way. This could be one of the bigest decision of your life. ” his mom said. “I realize that. ” he said. 

Derek went upstairs. He went back in his mind to the questione he had not really considered. He ignored the question.  Now it was staring him right in the face. He did want to admit it. He did want to mary her. 

He was surprised by that. He was not expecting that. He knew he liked her.  He respected her. There was more. He felt confronted by it. There was no one else. There would never be anyone else. 

A part of him realy wanted to call her.  Tell her he did not need more time. He was ready to fully embrace her. He almost picked up his phone and called her. He could not do it. He felt he needed the next week to make sure. He decided not to rush in. She told him that when he gave her his answer,it had to be definitive. He should wait . he would. 

She regreted coming to his church that night. She wondered if she would attend his church on sunday. She even considered ending the relationship.  

She sat down and wrote an email to him. One she never set. “Derek i stil believe that God wants us to be together. I do not doubts the verasity of the word. Perhaps the will of God can be recisted. Perhaps the perfect will can be diagarded and give way to the permisive will of God. While it is regrettable God gives grace. I dont feal that we can go any furher. Therefore i am ending our relationship.  I will free you from this. I wish you well. I will always love you.  I wish i would have turned out differently.  It is because i know you so well that i know you wont acept this. I will miss you. Love always lexi. Ps i want to move on. I want us to be done.  Good day. ” she wanted it to be clear that they were over. She stared at the screen. She almost hit send. She could not do it. 

Then her laptop swiched to the screen saver. It was of her and derrek. He had his arm around her. She remembered when that picture was taken.  She stared at it. She pictured her life with him. Somehow he would come around. She felt in her sprit that she could not walk away. She would not. She put the email in her draft folder. She turned off her laptop. 

Derrek was realy confused. On the night she told him to take some time to consider this,  he really considered teling her it was over.  He decided to take that time. He looked froward to time apart from her. He was miserable.  He knew it,he was sure that lex knew it. He thought that his parents and family knew it. He hated this.  He hated being apart from her. He liked seing her at church. They were not in good felowship. He hated that. 

He stared at his phone. He looked at the contact list. He saw it say lex. He alnost presed it. He decided it was nit yet time.  

His devotions looked at biblical marriages.  He looked at jacob,racheme and leah. He looked at Joseph’s wife.  She was fasinating. She was an Egyptian. Hia mariege was brought about by mishaps. He found it fasinating.  The bext day he studied moses wife ziporah and his secvond wife. 

He was stil confused and time was slowly running out. He knew he had a week to go. He also knew that things he could not control were moving. In truth he might not have a week. 

End of part 11

 

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