Holding hands part 17 

Neither derek nor lexi knew one day would change there lives foever. That saterday did change both of there lives. Neither lexi nor derek knew it was comming. 

Darek had a hard time accepting it. It did not make sense to him. He rebuffed it for a long time. After a while he finaly did come to embrace the idea of those two. 

Lexi was not expecting that saterday to be any different then the usual Saturday.  That day had been prety mundane.  She did not expect any thing too earth shattering.  Of course,she was wrong.  

She embraced the whole thing from the very beginning.  She had little doubts. She decided that he was the one she was supposed to marry. Then she worked on figering out why.  It had become prety clear. 

Darek discovers that she was kind and sweet. She had a qiet and gentle sprit. She was very bubbly and out going. She was reserve as well. She usualy was very talkitive. She did not wear her emotions on her sleve. She kept some things to herself. One might not always know that.  

Darek did not at first. He started to pick up on that. She kept some things to herself. He was surprised by that. She was so bubly. She apeared to be so happy. She had a private pain. A secret sadness. Something she did not talk about. He realize that it was there. 

Her mom had died a few years ago. Her father had remarried.  While she loved her step mom, she had not quite come to terms with her real mom’s death. She had no way to deal with it. Her farther had seemed to totally moved on. Even her siblings apeared to be over it. She had not. She did not understand how they did it. They could not understand why she could not. 

Her moms bithday neared. It got harder and harder for her to deal with it. In recent years it became easier for her to deal with it. This year was harder. She had no idea why. 

One night they had a picnic in a park. “Lets go down the slide!”she sugested.”you do know your im college.  Your a young adult.”he said.”i can still have fun. ” she said. He chuckled. “Ok!” he said. “Join me!” she sugested. “Oh i dont know!” he said.

“Why do i get the feeling you were born forty?” she asked. “I Washington their seccond most respinsible one. Next to rob. He taught me everything he knew! ” she said. “You should have folowed tom’s example.” she said.he laughed. 

She went up on the swing. “I cant beleve im doing this. ” he said. He folowered her. “Deep down! Your are fun loving!” she said. “I am thinking deep down. “He said. He folowed her down the slide. 

“You have to admit that was fun! ” she said. “Mayby a little bit!” he answered. She laughed. “Well that is a start i supose!” she remarked.they went down a few more times. 

She smiled. “What?” he asked. “You are hilarious.  I really dont think your as serious as you make people think.  ” she said. “I am prety serious!” he said. 

After a while she walked hand in hand with him to his car.they got in and drove off. He drove her home. She suddenly gott really sad. She was qiet on the ride home. 

He hugged her. She seemed a bit off. Distracted. “Good night!” she said.”i love you lex!” he said. She said “i love you!” she said.  She usualy lingered but bot today. The goodbye was usually prolonged. There was nore higging and she usualy kissed him on the forehead. Not today. He found that quite odd. He watched her go inside. When she was inside, he drove home. 

He felt odd. He was woried about her. He was not sure what was going on. He drove home. He parked. He went inside. 

The next day he picked her upat home so they could go to school together.  She was distant.  She was qiet.  He went to eat dinner with her on campus. She was just as aloof..they said little to eachother. After clases he wanted to hang out with her but she said she wanted to go to her house. 

“I need some alone time ok” shr said. “You ok lex?” he asked. “Yea i just want to have some me time. If your thiking what i think your thiking. I promise its not that. I just need to short this out.” lexi said. “Ok.i am hear for you if you need me!” he said.she thanked him. 

On wendsday, they did not realy hear from eqchother but they rarely did on wendsday.  She called Derek and told him that she was not comming to the midweek serrvice. He told her that she would be missed. 

After church, he checked his computor. He looked at lexi’s facebook page.  She wrote that she was really sad. He looked over the comments.  He soon discovered that this would have been her mom’s 50th birthday. 

He clicked on the response emoticons.  He clicked on the sad face. He wotte in the comments section. ” hey lex, realy sory your having a hard time. I love you. ” 

Later on his mom wrote on her post as did two of her sisters.  He wondered why she was not turning to him. He had no clue as to why she seemed to be running away. 

The next morning he got out of bed. He got ready for school. He took a shower then got dressed. He checked his phone for messages.  He got a text from lexi. 

“Hey babe! Im caling out of school. Taking a mental health day. I will catch up with you later. ” she said. He texted her back with an ok. 

He had no idea how to help her. He wanted to help her though this. He did not know how. She seemed to be pushing her away. She pushed him away. He wanted her to be running to her embrace. 

He got coffee and went to breakfast. “You ok derrek?” his mom asked. “Yea i am fine! Lex is taking the day off from clases. I tried to call you but she did not answer. I have figured out how to relate to her. These last couple of days i just cant. ” he admitted. 

“Just let her know you care about her. Let her know your available. “His mom sugested. 

Before he went to school,he called her. “Hi you have reached lexi, i am not able to take your call right now. Please leave number and mesege and i will get back to you. ” she said.

“Hi hunie its me. I just want you to know i am hear for you. Call me when you can. ” he said. 

He went to school that day with a heavy heart. He knew she probably just needed her space.  It was still hard. He decided to let her have that space. He hated seing her like this.he missed her.  He wanted to help her. He felt powerless. He hated that. 

She heared his mesege as it was comming in. She just could not bring herself to answer it. She just sat on the couch.  She stared into outer space. 

After a few minutes she felt a little better.  She sat there crying. She reganed her composure. She needed someone to talk to. She knew that he was in clases. She did not want to brother him. She did want to talk to someone. She decided to call anna,his mother.

“Hi lexi. ” anna said. “Hi can i come over? I need someone to talk to. ” she said. “Of course hunnie. Come on over.  ” anna told her.

After a short time, the car puled in to the drive way.  She walked inside. Anna gave her a great big hug. “Would you like some cofee?” Anna asked. “I would thank you!” she said.

Anna pored the coffee into a cup. She handed it to lexi. She thanked her. They sat down. “Look i want you to know that i am hear for you. If you ever need to talk,  come over. You are going to be my daughter in law ” she said.

She smilled. “Thank you. “Lexi said. “I understand that today would have been your mom’s birthday today?” Anna asked. “Yes . its weird the last few years have been a lot easier. Not this year. I have just felt sad. Blah. ” she said.

“You two were close?”anna asked. “We were.  I was her oldest daughter. We have always been close. ” she said. 

“I am close with my mom. I am the oldest daughter. I was sux when my sister was born. We grew prety close. I was my mom’s little helper before and after my sister was born and a year later my brother came along. “Anna said 

“I was four when they had my brother. I was my moms helper. My mom and i talked about everything.  ” she said. “Its is the same between me and my mom. I remember when i told her about bryan. I mentioned him in passing. I met him as part of a study group at college.  I made a pasing refrence to him. Mom asked me,”whose bryan?” i saud just a pastoral student in my study group. She smiled and said ok. She later told me she knew the first time i mentioned him.” she said.

“Its been five years sense she died. Why is it so hard this year? ” lexi asked. “Well, your a jr in college.  Your getting closer to graduating. You have met who your prety sure is going to be your husbend. Your future us shaping up. Your weding is nearing. You probably thought that your mom would be a part of that. I know i did. Every girl dreams about her wedding. Im sure your mom figured prominently into that. Those dreamsbare vivid. Its natural. My mom was the first person i tolf when bryan asked me to be his girlfriend.  ” she said.

“The whole family has moved on.  My brothers and sisters bearly seam to notice.  My youngest sister who is 7 calls my step mom mom. My dad has a child with my step mom with another on the way. ” she said. 

“That makes it hard. Not everyone deal with things the same way. Its ok to have to stop and reflect. ” she said 

“A few days ago, derrek and i were having fun at the park. I just starting feeling blah. I have kinda shut down.  I think dere was woried i was losing interest in him. I just did not want to do anything. “She told anna.

“He understands. He realy cares about you. ” anna said. ” i know he does.  He is a really sweet guy. I did not meen to ignore them. I do not know how to deal with all this. I cant beleve everyone else has moved on. ” she said. 

“Everyone mourns in there own way. They may not be as ok as they seam. Derek is hear for you.i know you could no better person on your side.” she said. “I know that.” she answered.

“He is very reserve. He really likes you. I can tell.”anna said. “I know that.” she said. “It was not always easy confiding in someone.  It was hard for me to trust bryan at first. Not because he was not trustworthy,  i felt insecure.  I soon learned i could.in the course of mt maried lifei have told him things i would never tell anyone else. He always was. Understanding. I knew derrek is the same way.    “Anna said. 

“Right now i just feel blah. I know mom is with the lord. She is dar happier in his presence. ” she said.”this will pass. Just let it. Wait. Dont force it to pass. It will in time. ” she told her. 

Derrek headed hime form class. He was sad. He tried to call lexi but it went to viice mail. He drove by her place but she was gone. He drove home.

He saw her car in the driveway. He went inside. “Hi mom! Is lex hear?” he asked. “She is the living room. Gracie fell alseep on her. Go qieltly. I invited her to supper. ” she said.

He went to the living room. He sat down next to her. He put his arm around her. “You do know your going to be hear for the next six hours.  My siblings and i refer to this as the Gracie trap! ” he said. 

“I have heard. You know she will still be young when our kids are born. She and your brother tim will probibly be playmates with our kids. ” she told him. He smiled.

“I cant wait to be a dad. ” he told her. “You will be a good one. I want a big family. Mayby not duggrt sizr but a good size. ” she said. “Who?” he said. “Never mind! ” she answered.

“I would like a big family. If mom and dad gave more we might have kids who are older then there aunt and uncles. I was older then some of my uncles and aunt. ” he said. “Me too. ” she said. 

“Gracie seams to like you. I know you will be a great mommy. ” he said.”i like her. Thanks.  I am sorry i have been the way i have the last few days. ” she said. 

“You needed time to work all this out. I understand. ” he told her. ” your mom has been great today. ” she said. “She is the best. Lex you dont have to face this things alone. ” he said. “I wont. Thank you” she said.

After dinner they hung out side. She held on to her. After a while she went home. “Thank you for everything der. I love you.” she said. “I love you lexi.” he said.

End of part 17

Next up

Derrek  and lexi go to a novrmber banquit at his school. 

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